Dementia, the thief of time.

June 21.2019 It was the first day that my brother and his wife were here from Germany. I woke my husband around 8 am so that we could all begin the day together. I helped him sit up and told him to sit on the edge of bed for a minute. The next thing I heard was a crash and my husband was on the floor unable to move. I called the fire department to take him to the hospital, he had broken his hip. Two days later they operated and put two Titanium rods in his hip. Three days later he was in the nursing home for rehabilitation.
61 days later he was dismissed because we were told that he had reached a plateau.

I asked the he be sent  home so that I could take care of him, it was the worst three days of my life. The first night he bellowed Kaaaaaariiiiin, Heeeelp, Kaaaaariiiin, Heeelp, all night long. I had bought a hospital bed for him and the second night he rattled the sidebars all night long, same thing the third night.

On the fourth day I had to drive him to the doctor for her to grant us home health so he could have physical therapy. The doctor did not speak to my husband, she spoke at him. "Look at him, he is 98 he can die any minute, he had a broken hip, prostate cancer etc. He belongs in hospice, look at him he's 98." I finally told her I treated our dog better, she interpreted that I was not ready to deal with reality and consented to send im to ER. I noticed that during her barrage of humiliating words, he shrunk in his wheelchair.

A friend and I took him to ER and we were told they'd keep him because he had a UTI. They kept him for a week on three different antibiotics interveniously On August 30. our 39th wedding anniversary they wanted to send him home. I had contacted a memory
care center to see if they could take him, yes on Wednesday or Thursday, it was th day before Labor day and they wanted their patients gone. The memory care center took him in and readied a room. They had a bed for him and the next day we brought his hospital bed from home. My daughter installed it and bought him a chair and a tv.

Our 39th Anniversary was a sad day and I felt broken. I went home and sat down, looked around me and thought, I'll never cook for him, never yell for him to turn his TV down, life is over and I am paralyzed and afraid.

DEMENTIA - today I am angry or should I say pissed?

Our youngest daughter was here recently and when my husband had a appointment with a new Neurologist I asked her to come along because I knew she'd ask questions I would never think of. The new Neurologist in town is young, thorough and wonderful. After several tests no one did before she asked us in her office to show us the MRI of his brain that  his original doctor ordered and I supplied. She showed us that he had several strokes, not just the two we were told about which landed him in the hospital, the nursing home for rehab, home with home health and then outpatient physical therapy.

His original doctor had diagnosed him with vascular dementia, he said at the time that he didn't like the word Alzheimers. Stupid me I never thought anything of it and didn't question him. He said that the arteries in his head were being blocked hence the vascular dementia.

The new doctor said that his arteries are only 97% blocked which isn't bad for a 97 year old man. She said his diagnosis is Dementia/Alzheimers.

I am angry that the doctors were not HONEST with me, did they think I couldn't take it? I am a child of WWII, spent the first three years of my life in a air raid shelter, we lost our home, went to a small village in the Swabian Albs and lived off the land and the doctor thought I couldn't take it. In my life I've been through hell, I've lived through it, gotten stronger and I am proud of who I have become.

On her last day here my youngest daughter cried her heart out, when I asked her why? She said "you have it so hard." Yes it is, but it isn't as hard as it would be without my husband, so whatever comes my way I'll live through it.

Dementia, this that and anything else.

Time flies wether you want it to or not, so today is Sunday October 14.2018, I want to hold on to today, why? How the hell should I know? It rained last night, we needed it and today there are clouds in the sky and I hope that more rain is in the forecast. Living in the desert I miss rain, it has been a while since we had any and the earth soaks it up and the desert will bloom beautifully in spring, all yellow colors, the Brittlebush, the Palo Verde tree and many other plants. There is nothing on the agenda except washing bedding and making my husband breakfast, lunch and dinner today. I consider this a peaceful day, no drama, no confusion except why doesn't this football addict watch football? Instead he is bent over a book of crossword puzzles, he can no longer do them but copies from the back and that is fine, it means he is doing something and can still write.

I see improvement, not in his dementia but in his physical being. I still take him to exercise three times a week and the other day we walked along the lake, we walked about one half mile with sitting on a bench here and there. Now that it's not so hot outside, well walk more often. At exercise they admire this 97 year old man, he is an example to others who are not as fit, it's sad that his memory is not good, but as in everything there are good days and not such good days. I figured out a long time ago that you have to deal with what life hands you and so I've come to a certain kind of peace.

I have conversations with him and don't get answers often, sometimes I notice that he fudges them, gives a generic answer that could cover anything, I think it's fine, at least it keeps the wheels turning. Poker will start again soon and I asked his friends to let me know if he can still play, he's needed a little help in the past and they give it gladly, but the day will come when that will no longer help, it will be okay, because he'll forget that he once played.

It's a dreadful and sad disease for him and his family, he never talks about it, does not express fear or anything else, always accepts what it given, never argues or gives an opinion, that makes me sadder than anything.

MY LIFE WITH DEMENTIA

I"ve written about Dementia before so this is an update, nothing much has changed, I am still the only caregiver of my husband, but now I take a mild drug for anxiety. I hate having to take something, but if I am to take care of my husband with love and compassion rather resentment that my old life is gone, my doctor and I decided it is best.

My husband is still the healthiest 96 1/2 year old you'll ever meet, I take him to ProWellness with is part of ProTherapy, if you have attended the latter, you pay less than if you had never been to therapy there. There is a trainer who works with him on various parts of his body. If I tell the trainer that my husband had trouble getting onto the sidewalk, he will work on that problem. Outside of exercise three or four times a week, I have him walk around the pool at least once a day, hot weather permitting.

Lately his appetite has reduced significantly, it could be the dementia or it could be that he gained a lot of weight and he is trying to slim down. He is taking the drug "Namenda" for his dementia, in addition to that several vitamins like B12, VirtVite which it the generic for Foltex, a multi vitamin, coconut capsule, all recommended by the neurologist who left town, now all we have is a neurologist that comes from Las Vegas every Friday, but mostly he sees the physician assistant or nurse practitioner. It is not a satisfactory arrangement, but it is all we have. There is NO CURE for dementia, the Namenda is supposed to slow it down and from dementia group I understand that it is only supposed to last two years, I can't tell. He was diagnosed with "vascular dementia", the arteries in his head are hardening, he has had two small strokes, before that several TIA's.

A friend and I recently attended a two day workshop held by the Dementia Connection of Lake Havasu City. The speaker or I think of her as the teacher was TEEPA SNOW. It was a refresher for me but there was a lot of new information. You can see/hear Teepa Snow on YouTube, she is simply fabulous. I had a private conversation with her and her advice to me was "do something fun for you." I haven't done that yet and don't know if I'll get around to it. My husband gets confused around strangers so I make sure that he is only surrounded by people he knows.

His old friend from the Golden K Kiwanis days pick him up for poker every Wednesday and it is surprising how often he wins. He is still good with numbers which is surprising. I am thankful to them for their kindness.

Life is not easy, but we muddle through it and I am grateful every day that he is still with me.

I hope some people will ready this, I'd appreciate a note to let me know this helped or enlightened you. I will be glad to answer any questions. Thank You for reading this.

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Dementia cotinues

Nate and our friend Della who is just a few years younger, this was in 2014

That man you see there is the same he always was with the exception of memory loss, that has deteriorated somewhat as has comprehension. I lay out his clothes, tell him to brush his teeth, change this or that. The most important thing is that he is happy, if his situation worries him or if he comprehends fully what is going on he doesn't share that. He has always been a private man, a happy man who lived by the saying "he who anger you conquers you," and trust me I have tried to anger him in 36 1/2 years of marriage. I am his full time caregiver, no family member has called to ask "how are you doing mom, how are you handling it all?" No one has offered to come for a few days to give me a break from care taking. Am I angry? On days when I am on the ground with fatigue I damn them all. When I have some rest I tell myself to enjoy the days we have together, to laugh, to be sad and all in all we just take it one day at a time. I have never paid bills and now I have to and I absolutely hate it, I see money going out by the truck load and coming in seems never enough, but I handle it and do the best I can. I attend support group twice a month and if it were not for that I don't know what I would do, there at least we share our burden, laugh some time and others not. I am thankful for the support group and in general I am thankful that I still have my husband who will be 96 in June with me and hope to have him for years to come.

Dementia, the disease that steals your mind

March 15. 2016

You learn something new every day, for instance I learned that there are around 88 different types of dementia (Alzheimers), my husband was diagnosed about two years ago with vascular dementia, the arteries in his head are narrowing or do we call that calcifying? It is no surprise that something like hit him at the age of about 93, he will be 95 this summer.
It came on slowly and I didn't "get it", I would tell him something and he'd say "I don't understand what you mean." I would get impatient and say "everyone else gets what I am saying." English is my second language, I began learning it at the age of eleven when I went to high school in Germany, but I kept wondering if I express myself correctly. Time went on and I suggested new hearing aids, he came home telling me that they told him he had trouble with comprehension. I mentioned that perhaps we should see a Neurologist and he agreed. He got a simple test and failed and we were told that he has dementia. He was prescribed medication with instructions to come back in three months. He did better on the memory test but I asked the doctor how can we be sure it is not something else like a tumor on the brain? I told him I wanted an MRI, well at his ripe old age and the new Obama are and Medicare cutting costs wherever so that our politicians can get bigger raises, the doctor told me he would  have to manipulate things, I told him to go ahead and manipulate I wanted that MRI. It came back narrowing of the arteries in the brain.

Almost two years have past and things have gotten worse, his short term memory is literally gone,he still takes care of his physical needs, showers, dresses is continent and takes the dog to the dog park daily. He plays poker once a week with old friends and last winter he was on his way at 6:45 pm, the place is about a mile and a half from home. He called me and told me he didn't know where he was and I told him to find an intersection and call me. I went out thinking I could find him and realized no wonder he got lost, we have no street lights and landmarks disappear in the night. He called me to tell me he was home. After that his friends pick him up and bring him homes. During the day he would drive himself to the doctor and after a while that faded from his mind as well, so now I drive him wherever he needs to go.

Yesterday I took him to the doctor and afterwards I was going to take him to see his 92 year old friend in the nursing home where she was for rehab, time ran out and I promised to take him today.

I have pneumonia and basically have been sick since just before the new year and needed soberest. I heard the bell that signals that someone has left home and I figured he'd take the dog to the backyard. I got up and no husband, he had decided to go visit his friend. He came home hours later and said "I didn't find it," and I mentioned I'd have to take the car keys away soon. It will be one of the saddest day of my life. Today I drove him to see her but she had been discharged.

A friend and I go to support group three times a month, it's good to hear that I am not alone, I feel my case is worse because all of our 35 years my husband has handled all financials, insurance, house etc. and all of a sudden it is on my shoulders and I know nothing and he remembers nothing. What is hardest is the fact that all of a sudden you are alone, friends don't call and say "let's go out to lunch," and you feel isolated. Right now I'm sick and I feel like I've been locked in the house forever and I worry that without social stimulation I will fall into dementia before I know it, but I am sure that I am not the only one with that fear.

This is a pot I made some years ago called "Hands across the world." It is in the home of a friend. I sold my pottery something that I regret but felt I had to do, I am not sure it didn't help me stay sane.

The New Year Has Begun

January 1. 2016

In younger years I would write deepest thoughts into my journal, my  hopes, wishes and dreams. In odd years I thought it was going to be a bad year and in years like 2016, I just knew it would be a terrific year. I guess one is allowed to dream especially when young when life has not tainted our view.

While I was still in Germany and my father was alive, we'd "giess Blei" we'd hold a spoon like device over a flame to liquify the led and empty it into cold water. We'd try to see what it was and a little booklet would tell the fortune, nobody believed anything but it was fun.

In our twenties we'd go out, drink and strangers would kiss you at midnight I hated that worse than anything and in later year avoided it like the plague, nothing worse than some drunk you didn't know trying to kiss you, yuck. We all drank in our twenties and even thirties, I am sure of it, in my forties I decided that I wanted to be fully aware of what foolish shit I did and never wanted to have to say "well you know I was drunk". If I did something stupid I would apologize or not depending how I felt.

Last night's wait until the New Year was the most boring yet, we have company from South America and the 10 year old got an X-box for Christmas and he's been glued to the TV ever since. When I mentioned I wanted to watch CNN with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin the mood went sour and father and son retreated to the guest room supposedly to go to bed. I am an avid reader so I considered it my good fortune, went to bed and read my Kindle, to me it was an excellent start of a new year and promises for good days. I wish you all the best that the year can bring, may it heap blessings on all of you.

Oma's Candle

Time flies wether you want it to or not, so today is Sunday October 14.2018, I want to hold on to today, why? How the hell should I know? It rained last night, we needed it and today there are clouds in the sky and I hope that more rain is in the forecast. Living in the desert I miss rain, it has been a while since we had any and the earth soaks it up and the desert will bloom beautifully in spring, all yellow colors, the Brittlebush, the Palo Verde tree and many other plants. There is nothing on the agenda except washing bedding and making my husband breakfast, lunch and dinner today. I consider this a peaceful day, no drama, no confusion except why doesn't this football addict watch football? Instead he is bent over a book of crossword puzzles, he can no longer do them but copies from the back and that is fine, it means he is doing something and can still write.

I see improvement, not in his dementia but in his physical being. I still take him to exercise three times a week and the other day we walked along the lake, we walked about one half mile with sitting on a bench here and there. Now that it's not so hot outside, well walk more often. At exercise they admire this 97 year old man, he is an example to others who are not as fit, it's sad that his memory is not good, but as in everything there are good days and not such good days. I figured out a long time ago that you have to deal with what life hands you and so I've come to a certain kind of peace.

I have conversations with him and don't get answers often, sometimes I notice that he fudges them, gives a generic answer that could cover anything, I think it's fine, at least it keeps the wheels turning. Poker will start again soon and I asked his friends to let me know if he can still play, he's needed a little help in the past and they give it gladly, but the day will come when that will no longer help, it will be okay, because he'll forget that he once played.

It's a dreadful and sad disease for him and his family, he never talks about it, does not express fear or anything else, always accepts what it given, never argues or gives an opinion, that makes me sadder than anything.

War, Peace, Rejection, Beards, not drinking and driving and whatever else came out of my head.

December 5. 2015 10:45 pm

It seems that if we all "planted Peace" eventually there would be Peace, but my personal thoughts have been that if Peace were financially profitable there would be no wars. Of course we'd have to consider that most wars are started because of religion and the question remains why can't we all accept that we are all different and have different beliefs. Of course it is hard to believe anything when we watch TV and watch a woman being stoned to death in 2015 for whatever crime they feel she committed.

The last time I wrote I talked about Paris and today it is San Bernadino, California. Some believe it was an act of terrorism and the new word of the day is "radicalized" what the hell does that mean? Some say the guy got mad at his co-workers for teasing him about his long beard, really? A guy with a weapons Cache like he and his wife had means they planned bigger things. 

Personally I blame the guys on Duck Dynasty for this whole beard thing, every guy I see on the street has a beard of some kind, why the women stand for it is a surprise to me, the stuff must scratch and itch and be unpleasant. I saw a guy with a bugger hung up in his beard not long ago and wanted to puke right in the Walmart, but then that IS the place where you'd find a guy with a booger in his beard.

I'm lousy with instructions and avoid them whenever I can that's why I can't figure out if anyone ever reads my blog, I never get comments or suggestions like "get the hell out of the blogging business."

This has been the week of feeling rejected, I saw on FB three women I thought were my friends, there they were at lunch at the Wine Garage, what a name, of course drinking their lunch. I asked myself what is wrong with me that I was not invited, is it that I don't drink and drive? If we have people for dinner I might have a glass of red wine but I'd never be stupid enough to drink and drive and I decided a long time ago that I always want to be present and never have to say when I do something stupid "aw I'm sorry, I was drunk". I want to be awake when I mistakes, apologize if I find it necessary or say fuck you I mean what I did or what  I said, but then these three probably have never in their lifetime said "fuck you", they should try it. One day they will be old and hang out in a wheelchair in the nursing home, a kid will come up and look at them and that's when they hurl the old "fuck you" at the kid. I should know, my second career was working in Activities and Social Services in two or is it three different Nursing Homes. I was also an Ombudsman in two different States and responsible for closing a so called "home" down.

I noticed that I write with an accent, English is my second language but this German has been in country so long I should know better, the problem is I seldom re-read what I wrote, I'm just too lazy, so like it or leave it, but I'd still appreciate a comment here or there, positive or negative it does not matter, I'm vain that way. 

A day in the life or an ordinary American housewife

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Since I wrote last all hell has broken lose in the world as I am sure that all of you are aware of the Paris tragedy, the downing of the Russian airline, then of course there is the Syrian crisis and European countries are overwhelmed with the influx of refugees and we in America don’t want them. I’m on the fence, on the other hand who knows what lurks under those Burkas, a bearded guy with a big, automatic gun. All I know is that I am happy I live in a small town where that hopefully has not been discovered by the refugees, but who knows how long that will take.

Take Oak Ridge, Tennessee for instance, they had chemical weapons plants, nuclear plants and something else, it was known as the “Hidden City” during WWII and wasn’t listed on any map, perhaps we should send around a petition listing Lake Havasu as the latest hidden city. On the other hand, the world might just be on the verge of going totally nuts. For my opinion all countries need to get together and bomb the hell out of ISIS, of course we’d have to get Obama out from under his desk where he is hiding refusing to acknowledge that ISIS indeed exists and call them by their proper name. I firmly believe that since he started in office racial tensions have escalated cleverly orchestrated by that incompetent excuse of a human being, am I being too harsh? Probably not!

I went to Vegas yesterday to go to the Endocrinologist, I had to look on his card to spell it correctly. 

I went to Dillard’s in Las Vegas and was totally overwhelmed, I realized that I’ve turned into a small town girl (old girl), I was looking for jeans, pants, a top or a skirt and left the store empty handed, it is the season for glitter and gross Santa sweaters, I saw one cute dress but on closer inspection realized it had metallic sparkles in it, I touched it and it felt like a Brillo pad, so not my thing.

The only thing I bought were Sunglasses at the Sunglass Hut, I lost a pair, have a dark pair which on a overcast day is too dark, he showed me some and I asked “how much” and glad I did, he said “$225.00 and I asked him if he was nuts.

“ How much do you want to spend?” I told him no more than 80 bucks, he showed me glasses by Michael Kors, they fit and were 80 bucks on sale. Today I looked in a glass plate on top of the China Cabinet, it belongs on the table and what did I find? The glasses I thought I lost, oh boy, but what do you expect when the day starts out by you opening a window without disarming the security system and all hell breaks lose?

We are getting a new dishwasher, bought a Bosch, it was on sale, the guy from the plumbing company showed up and he looks like a Duck Dynasty guy and is about as friendly as a rock, I told him when he moved out the old one I needed to vacuum and mop under there and his curt reply was “it’s up to you”, it was gross under there, the old one had been in place since 2002 and it’s not like you can pull it out to periodically clean under it.

Did I say the day couldn’t get worse? Of course it could! He didn’t have enough light so I hauled in a ladder, climbed it to open the blind in the kitchen ceiling and broke it, so tomorrow my buddy from Colorado River blinds will come and repair it or we have to get a new one, it is fine in winter, but in summer it turns the small kitchen into an oven.

 I changed beds and am washing like a mad woman. I bought a Fitbit HR and so far today in the house I have logged 1.33 miles, yesterday despite driving 5 hours I managed almost 10,000 steps which is my goal, I figure it’s the only way I will drop pounds. The trainer I hired at the club is working me like a dog and I feel like I want to crawl out of there when he gets through with me but of course it would be too humiliating to crawl out of the club, it’s never been done before.

Well as far as news goes, I am tapped out.

Wow it has been a while since I've had something to say.....

Either that or I've been too lazy to write or didn't think I had anything of interest. I went back to pottery for two classes and then gave it up, can't seem to find the time or the will to clean out my studio. I made the effort once and still have buckets I emptied of glazes outside.

Right now I'm busy watching workers jackhammer the pool down to the dement, then it will get new coating, new lights, pop ups and everything else. After fifteen years it was needed. When I look back I wonder what I was thinking putting in a pool this large. Of course fifteen years ago I swam an hour each day, at 74 years of age and needing therapeutic temperatures of 88 degrees of better yet 89, I don't go in as often as I could or should, cold whether water or air conditioning is painful for my joints and restricts my movement.

Today people need to go out and vote, don't know how many think that "my one vote won't make a difference" I beg to differ. I became a citizen in 1963 or 64 and I have always voted. I may have switched parties once because the one I joined became an embarrassing disappointment

Lake Havasu City's 2015 Balloon Festival

What a wonderful weekend, the flying weather was perfect and we had about sixty Balloonists from all over. Here are just a few special ones. When I think back to the first year of the festival I remember that it was still unknown and quite a few fewer balloons. The curiosity was high and so was the locals hope that it will continue. I would say it was a huge success all around.

Fake Boobs, fake butts and fake lips what will the people look like in the future?

Nothing seems real anymore and I wonder how it will look in the future when a 17 year old gets her lips pumped up so she can look poutier, or a mother brags in pre-surgery that her 16 year old saved her money so she can have boob implants and when have we ever paid so much attention to butts?

I know in some cultures especially women a big butt is the norm, but why have butt implants or buy panties with fake butt in them. I can see the men of the future salivating at a gorgeous woman, big boobs, pouty lips and a bit butt. He finally gets her in the sack and wow, the gorgeous girl he admired is now naked before him and there is nothing real, nothing from her eyelashes and tattooed eyebrows to her butt and let's not forget you can have your knees lifted as well so they look young and fresh.

I was a young girl once and yes, it was a looooong time ago, but I remember never paying attention to my naked body, were my boobs big enough, my butt round enough and my lips pouty enough?

I want and am aging naturally, yes I have wrinkles and things are no longer as firm as when I was thirty, fifty, sixty, but when I get cremated you won't smell plastic burning, ashes to ashes and dust to dust, that will be me. I want to be remembered in stories my children and grandchildren remember, flattering or not. I want to be remembered for the 45 or so years I spent volunteering in the worst areas where I saw things I never want to see again. I do not want to be remembered for the plastic smell rising through the chimney.

This was my beginning.

My Life...Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow!: Christmas how it used to be way back in the olden days.

My Life...Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow!: Christmas how it used to be way back in the olden days.

Christmas how it used to be way back in the olden days.

I don't remember when I posted anything the last time, nor do I remember why I have not. I guess at a certain age life just slips through your fingers without explanation. I guess at Christmas I turn sentimental and remember my childhood in Germany when St. Nickolas came on December 6. and you got a few things like nuts if you were good or you'd get a switch if you were naughty all year long. I don't think that I ever got the switch nor coal in my shoe. It was a time of excitement especially since it was in the middle of World War II and before the Americans came to settle things.

The tree was live, there were candles on it and it was decorated  on the 24th by my parents and later they and my sister who was three years older than I. I had to wait in the parent's bedroom for the Christkind to come. There was never an abundance of presents and we didn't miss anything, it was normal and good. It was a time for celebrating the birth of Christ, it was a time to get cookies and everyone was happy.

 

When my daughters were little we were in the United States where they were born. We also celebrated on the 24th, that's when presents were opened. I would send them for a walk and when they came back Santa Claus had come and when they asked "where were you" I'd answer "I had to go to the bathroom". I don't know how many years that went on before I was busted. By that time I was divorced and often worked more than one job and there weren't that many presents, but they appeared happy. One year my sister brought a big bag of presents, it made me sad because I could not afford such abundance, when it came to  opening the presents my youngest daughter ripped through hers and then said "is that all there is?" It was the year they had gotten the most.

 

When they were even smaller, I gave them each a dollar and told them they could buy something for me. I don't remember, but when it came time to open gifts, the middle daughter gave me a shining glass, it shimmered in all the colors of the rainbow and was so cool. She said in her sweet voice "Mooom, it cost eighty-eight cents", what a sweet moment.

 

I think of the children and parents of today, who have to provide X-boxes and all manner of electronic gadgets, no one talks to each other anymore, they text even if you sit at the same table with them, the cellphone is always in their possession.

 

When and why has the simple celebration of the birth of Christ been replaced with glitz and glamor and an obscene abundance, when will greed take a break?

 

This Christmas we must remember our men and woman in the Armed Forces who put their life on the line every day. We also must remember our police and firemen and women who especially these days face hostility and peril every day. How many were killed for no reason and how many families and children face Christmas without their loved ones? The world must become better and we should all do our part.

Old Pottery Pieces

 

 

 

We have lived in many places in the United States, many of them my favorites like New Mexico and Colorado. However, it was in East Tennessee at the Art and Craft Center in Norris, TN that I found my true calling. When I first observed what most potters made I decided that is not me...bowls, mugs and lots of useful things. I didn't figure they'd need someone else making these items so I switched to animals and Nativity sets. I was very successful there, sold out of three galleries and had some fun.

In the photo above you will see some terracotta-fired figures for the Nativity, some unfired pieces and one that was glazed with color. If you notice, the shepherd is also looking cross-eyed. I took this set to a gallery in Townsend, which is no longer there. I sold out of there with some success.

The gallery was in an old house and I was told to put the figures in the kitchen. Townsend is at the mouth of the Smoky Mountain National Park, separated by a valley from Pigeon Forge, Sevierville and Gatlinburg. It was approximately one and a half hours away from where I lived. I received a call the next day to come pick up the set because "Mary looked mean."  I drove back and picked up the set and ranted at the owner about the trials Mary and Joseph had trying to find a place to give birth to Jesus and told her if she had been Mary in those times she would not have looked happy either. I left with my head held high.

That same day I placed it in the gallery at the Norris Co-op and it sold right away. The day after that the Townsend gallery owner called me to ask me to bring the set back, she had a buyer. Too bad I told her, the set was sold and advised her I'd never bring her another one.

I have lots of stories like that to tell, but for the moment this is enough, another time I'll post more pieces if I can find the photos, I've never been a good record keeper and certainly never a fan of making symmetrical pieces, but each artist has to do what he or she fells like doing and most of us don't like anyone telling us how to do it or what to make

 

 

 

Jack's Quilt

Way back in the early 70's I met a young man, his name was "Jack" anyway that is what he was called, his name was "Jonathan", but we all called him "Jack". I met him as a fellow hotline worker at "Reachout, the Solon, Drug Abuse Center". Jack was 17 and when there were no calls we chatted and became friends. He had an unfortunate relationship with a much older woman who thought nothing of seducing a young man half her age then dumping him.  His home life at the time wasn't that happy, at least that's the impression he gave. One day we went skiing in Brandywine, an area outside of Cleveland, Ohio. We braved the lift and got stuck right under the snow making machine,  we froze our asses off. After that adventure we went to eat pizza. He looked around and with a frown said "what will we do if people think you're my girlfriend?" I laughed and told him that they'd view me as his mother, I loved Jack like a mother and like the son I never had. He said "then why don't you adopt me" and I said okay, ever since I thought of him as my "unofficially adopted son".

 Before long he joined the Service, he would write an occasional letter from Korea, it was always full of adventures and I would often caution him to be careful. He got out of the Service, and married a lovely woman, had three kids and now and then he would call and we'd chat. During that time I got an occasional letter and some photographs of him and one or two of his kids.

One day I came home from grocery shopping and my husband told me "Jack called, he said he loves you", he was on his way to Desert Shield. I was devastated that I didn't get to talk with him and started sitting in front of the TV, almost 24/7 watching war news and working on a twin quilt, I ran out of material and simply added other material whether it looked good or not. Before I received the news I had made a larger than King size quilt. I put it in an old trunk and forget about it, simply couldn't face it.

Time went by and my husband and I were on the way to Knoxville,TN. We weren't on the plane long when he gave me the Cleveland newspaper, on the front page was a blond, windblown woman in a bright red coat, sitting at a graveside in Arlington National Cemetery. It was Jack's widow and his children. It was February 1991 and I sat on the plane crying.

I called his wife and she told me she had tried to get hold of me and failed. I was devastated, the boy I loved most was shot down in his Cobra Gunship near the Kuwait border on the day Desert Shield became Desert Storm. My husband and I spent quite a bit of time in Washington DC and each time we were there I'd walk from the Marriott hotel downtown to Arlington National Cemetery, carrying flowers. I usually started crying at the florist and continued to Arlington. During one of those trips checking in two men approached me and asked where I got the flowers, "downtown" I said and when they asked for a couple I gave them three. It was a long way to the grave. The men passed me and offered me a ride and I told them I HAD to walk.
Another time when I was in DC I took three women along, we were at the same conference with our husbands, I poured a beer out and tried not to cry.

Once I took a Christmas tree and left it there. Time went by again and I haven't been back there again, there simply were no more conferences my husband had to attend. To this day when I think of Jack I start to cry, his children are grown, and I hope his wife re-married, we lost touch.

Recently I opened the trunk looking for something and found the quilt. The mother of a friend offered to take it with her to Nebraska and have a woman finish it. She wasn't sure if there was a machine big enough or if some part would have to be cut away. It was suggested that we make it into two twin quilts, but somehow I can't see that.

I tried to contact Jacks son via Facebook so I could offer it to him, I never got a reply. When the quilt comes back I'll simply put it back in the trunk along with my memories of Jack.

The last day, the last minutes and seconds before we greet 2014

A few years ago my daughters Christine (photo left) and Audrey (photo right) and I visited the Chicago Zoo at Christmas; I don't know when I've had a better, more fun time. This photo will forever be my favorite. I am, like all of you, looking forward to the New Year, but before I turn that new page, I want to tell my daughters, that they are my best friends, the best of me, and the most caring human beings on the planet. I know that whatever life throws our way, that they will be there for each other, with support, love and caring and most of all their humor will uplift me, and I want to thank them as well as my youngest daughter Nikki. I am so proud of all of you and I love you more than you will ever imagine.

Before Christmas 2011, as remembered in Sept. 2013

Christmas 2011

 

Christmas is around the corner and living in the desert it’s hard to get in the mood. There are no, no real cold days although we consider 70 cold. I’ve not been in the Christmas mood until I started baking cookies yesterday. I continued today, wanted a friend to have some like I make every year.

 

I thought back to what Christmas used to be like when the girls where small, back when I lived close to my sister and I remembered many of them going back to my Childhood. We had a real tree with candles on it. Being next to the youngest we had to go to our parent’s bedroom on the 24^th when the tree was put up. Our presents were cookies Mama had spend weeks baking, perhaps an orange or some chocolate, that was when we were back in the city.

 

I remember telling Audrey to take her sisters for a walk on the 24^th, that’s when we open presents. When they came back Santa had been there. The youngest asked me year after year “where were you when he came”? I was in the bathroom I would answer year after year.

 

I remember going to Church Christmas Eve with Audrey, Jason and Alexander, we did not know that we were late and that our paper had the wrong time. We arrived in time for Communion, they passed a platter with Wavers and Jason said “oh goodie, Matzo crackers”, who was I to correct that. Later “wow that’s a little glass of juice”…After Communion the Pastor blessed the offerings ending with “Jesus Christ, Amen!” When four year old Alexander piped up and said “Mommie, the man said a bad word”. We didn’t exactly flee, but we left as fast as we could.

 

Christmas in Evergreen the year Pedro our 29 year old friend from Venezuela decided to come spend a month with us. He was overjoyed being knee deep in snow and couldn’t stop making snow angels. We had a great time celebrating the Season.

 

Norris, Tennessee with Christine, Frankie and Joey, we’d moved from Colorado and I couldn’t find the ornaments. I sprayed leaves of Holly and any other leave I could find, pine cones silver, gold and copper. It was the best tree ever.

 

I remember when Nikki, Eric, Ella and Riley visited us here in Lake Havasu City. The twins are now fifteen they were six at the time. After opening their presents they were not happy and my daughter wondered why. I pointed out that all they got were educational toys and not much in the way of fun stuff. We had a great time with them.

 

Most of our Christmases were spend with Audrey, Jason and Alexander. We always had the Menorah up as well remembering what no one should forget. They often made the trip by train and I will be grateful until my dying day for the wonderful time we all had. It was a privilege for me to be with the boys from the time they were small and this tie is still firmly in place and always will be.

I remember the year Nate gave me a hand made Dulcimer when we lived in Tennessee, he said lessons came with it but an hour and a half away. I was too scared of failure, tried it when I was alone and in the end I gave it my son-in-law Eric who I hope plays it now and then and that it didn't end up in a garage sale, if he had to or wanted to sell that would be ok, it would still be painful, but once you give a present away the choice of what that person will with it are no longer up to the giver.

There were other great presents from Nate and as life winds down there are still great times ahead and today, remember all this and more I am thankful for all of life’s blessings.